Fostering

Many current cases in the media are not about adoption but about fostering. When did we get so possessive of children? When did they have to become "ours"? Why are they the subject of battles and wars for custody and ownership?

For centuries, here and abroad, children have been cared for by other caring adults who simply wanted to protect and nurture a child in the absence or illness of parents. There was no interest to "keep." Oh yes, things were and are wrong with the foster care system. In addition to good, there is evil. Some people do take advantage and abuse children, their "own" and others'.

But fostering instinct is in us all - teachers, coaches, physicians, judges, priests and rabbis, etc. Dr. Randolph Severson says, "The fostering instinct very much resembles the instinct to parent. But it is not identical with parenting; for although, when asked, it can sometimes keep watch for parents, who because of life's unexpected installments of disappointments and of pain, momentarily cannot cope or who are unavailable or absent, more routinely fostering coexists with parenting, to whom it extends a helping hand, a kindly word, or even, on occasion, unwelcome interference. Rather that substituting for parenting, fostering services, fostering supports, and fostering supplements."

So, when did we become so possessive, so adversarial? When did the world go so crazy? Is it because of the decreased economy and lack of resources, material and emotional? Is it because of violence - especially domestic - and our mistrust of other human beings? Is that why we have become so overprotective as to harm our children? - and I say OUR children, meaning all children, not mine.

Family is all-important. To focus on family as only blood (we know blood is a given and is of great importance and connection) would not be honest. The ancient meaning of family was "household," which included related and unrelated, too. Dr. Severson again says that "the symbol of the family was the hearth rather than the blood. To share a hearth together was to belong to a family. We need to understand family not in opposition to community, not as a bulwark against it, but as the most intimately and lovingly and enduringly experienced form of community."

What happened to true neighborhoods? We've seen families change over the recent years, but we've also lost the true sense of neighborhood. Kids know the importance, though we've forgotten. The movie "Boys in the Hood" reminds us of the larger extended family bond kids need and seek to experience. What's missing is the adults - can't we care for kids who aren't "ours?" Can't we nurture and give to kids even if they will leave us?

What is happening? What can you do? Can't you teach? Can't you coach? Can't you speak out when a child is hurt or abused? Can't you volunteer? What price are you willing to pay? Are you willing to invest in a child you don't "own?"

Copyright ©1998-2008 by Pact, An Adoption Alliance
http://www.pactadopt.org
info@pactadopt.org